How to Have Courage To Embrace Major Life Changes

Have you ever been faced with a life-changing event and felt totally lost on what you should do? You become paralyzed with fear, leaving you stuck in inaction. You don’t know if you can find the courage to go on. Life seems to have lost its color, it’s shine, it’s music. You fear the changes instead of learning how to embrace change with positive steps.

Life hands us events that can totally change the course of our lives, for the better or for worse. It’s your choice of how it does.

Marriage.

Birth of a child.

Loss of a loved one.

Disease.

Overwhelming debt.

Move to a new home.

Divorce.

Empty Nest.

Disability.

I’ve been there. Many times. Marriage, the birth of a child (x3), loss of loved ones, moving, disability, empty nest, loss of freedom, overwhelming depression, empty nest again. ICK!!! It’s enough to make me want to crawl back under the covers just thinking about it.

Several years ago, my life was going along normally, raising kids, working and anticipating the birth of our first grandchild. The pregnancy was normal and everything looked good for an early November birth.

I got a call around 11 pm in the middle of October. My daughter-in-law’s water broke and they were headed to the hospital.  Delivery went well and the next day, baby and mom were doing well. So far, everything was going well.

Two days after birth, however, the baby began experiencing seizures. After many tests, and months of not finding any answers to what was causing the seizures we got the news baby had a rare genetic disorder and wasn’t expected to live to see his first birthday.

We were devastated.

We went through many phases during the initial unknowns on through the final diagnosis. Denial. Anger. Fear. And finally Acceptance.

Many days, weeks were spent crying, raging at God and the medical system. . . 

why this child?

why us?

Instead of falling into a state of victimization, we put into place a way to embrace change that was forced upon us with positive steps.

We pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps and jumped in to care and learn everything we could to give this sweet innocent a life of love and ease.

He did live to be a year but passed away 3 months after his 1st birthday. This kind of life-changing event, even if he hadn’t passed away, requires a strong sense of faith, spirituality and inner strength.

Now, I’m not telling you this story for sympathy. Instead when faced with this almost overwhelming devastation, we were able to continue on. Don’t get me wrong – our lives were changed. But instead of falling into a well of depression and anger for the rest of our lives we learned to channel those feelings into useful ways.

One of the ways I cope is spending quiet time walking nature with my dogs and music or uplifting talks. Taking just a few minutes each day for myself helped me refresh and release some of the stress I was feeling.

Here’s a good book that guides you in dealing with stress.

The Trick?

There really isn’t any trick to getting over the paralyzing fear of life-changing moments. Sorry. Every individual must learn to cope and move on in their own way. It helps to learn the stages of coping though (and I do have some tips to help you.)

When the news first came, the family gathered together to pray and support each other. That is my number one tip. Prayer and support from others.

Not all events are devastating. Maybe you’ve just become an empty nester and don’t know what you’re going to do with yourself. It’s left you depressed. lonely and hurt.

Maybe you feel like you aren’t needed anymore. After all, you’ve spent you’re entire adult life caring and raising these little people, putting many of your own dreams on hold.

And even though you’ve known this day was coming the minute you gave birth, it’s still something that is a life-changer.

Life changes need courage and guts to transition from being lost to embracing a change of any kind. 

Here are my tips for grabbing onto courage to embrace changes:

1. Fall apart.

   Yeah, I’m giving you permission to fall apart. But for just a day or four. Go ahead and become a big blob of blubbering goo. Empty a box or two of Kleenex with your seemingly endless emotional tears.

   How will you let your emotions out? 

2. Acknowledge the event.

   It happened. Things aren’t going to go back to the way they were or the outcome isn’t likely to change. Tell yourself it’s okay. When my mother had a severe stroke and needed full-time care, I knew my life would never be the same. Not only did I lose my mother as I knew her but my own lifestyle had drastically changed when I began caring for her. I had to tell myself things would be okay, that I would learn that this was a blessing to have this time with her.

   What do you need to do to say this is okay?

   

    

3. Get mad then let it go.

   Throw a tantrum. Yell and scream. Run around your house tossing your fist. Whatever you need to do to release the anger. Then let it go. I know it’s not easy. Take little steps. Begin by looking at a positive that might come out of this change. For example, the diagnosis and eventual death of our grandbaby was devastating. On the positive side, we had a year of the most beautiful moments from a very precious child that we cherish in our memories.

   What good will you find in this life-changing event?

4. Take care of yourself.

   One of the worst things you can do is to forget to take care of yourself. Sure, you feel unwanted without the kids to care for (or whatever your life change is). But that doesn’t mean you have to go days without showering, take up binge eating Doritos and Twinkies, or never put your own needs first. Instead take time every day, even if it’s just 5 minutes, to do something for yourself. Put your lotion on mindfully. Meditate or take five minutes to just breathe deeply. Turn on an oil diffuser (this is the one that I love) with your favorite essential oils and sit quietly when your emotions feel like they are out of control. 

   Another good self-care action to do daily is to journal. This 30 Days to Happiness Journal and Challenge takes you through the steps to becoming happier.

   What can you do for you today? 

5. Seek support/talk to others who have gone through similar events.

   You’re not alone. Humankind has been around for years so it’s a good bet that someone else has gone or is going through the same thing you are. There are groups both offline and online who gather to share and support each other during a major event in their life. Seek them out. If you’d rather have one-on-one support, seek out a therapist, guidance counselor or a trusted religious leader. Contact me and we’ll talk. I’m a great listener ;).

   Who can you talk to today?

6. Do your research/find out your options.

   You have options when something is thrown at you. Yes, you do. If that empty nest feels like it’s always going to be too quiet, look at ways to fill that space. Join clubs, take up new hobbies, get out of the house more. By filling your time and space, the stillness will no longer be glaring and you’ll begin to start feeling more like yourself. Seek out books to that help you grow into the change. Loving What Is by Byron Katie is one of my favorites.

   What options are you taking?

7. Persist on being positive.

   Don’t you dare fall into a state of negative depression. I won’t allow it!! (stomping my foot). There are too many things to be happy about. The universe has given us so much beauty and love. Give gratitude for the good things in your life. Think positive thoughts. Instead of thinking how lonely you are, look at how you now have time to be alone with a great book.

   How can you be positive today?

8. Make small changes to adjust.

   Don’t try to embrace the changes all at once. It takes time to adjust to any kind of change. Empty nesters are faced with an often daunting emptiness that seems to have creeped up on them suddenly. This type of life change event is one that can be adjusted to in small increments. For example, if the house seems too quiet, play your favorite music or get a pet you can play and talk to. Slowly adjust to having more free time to do the things you want to do.  If you’ve been it with a devasting life event, take as much time as you can to slowly come to terms with the news before making any long term decisions.

   What adjustments can you make today?

9. Reimagine your life.

   Not sure how the event will change for the better? Think about how you’d like your life to be after this event. Do you want to spend your time volunteering, traveling or being a part of a club? Is the idea of starting a new hobby or even a new career something you’ve always wanted to do? Now might be the perfect time to pursue it.

   What does your life look like?

10. Talk to the Lord/Spirit/Angels/Guides/Universe.

    Whatever higher power you believe in, spend time daily talking to them. During the devastating days following any major life change event in my life, I spent hours talking to God and my Angels. I still talk to them on days that are tough. Not sure how this can help? If you truly open your heart and truthfully talk about how you feel and what you want, you will find a sense of peace.  I’ve found that my favorite time to talk to my higher power is when I’m walking in nature with my dogs.

    Will you talk to a higher power today?

    

11. Get on with living.

    Unless you are physically on your deathbead, GET ON WITH LIVING. I spent too many years depressed after the loss of my father, just going through the motions of daily life. I missed out on so many opportunities, family fun and laughter. If you did the reimagining step, you already know what you want your life to look like. Smile, laugh, find joy in the little things. Go for that hike, join the club, try out for the theater. Whatever it is you want, DO IT.

    What steps can you take to get on with living?

Life is a series of changes. From the moment we are born we live it. The way we react to it and live with it is what really matters. You can either take it and wallow in pity and depression or you can embrace it and make it the best it can possibly be.

I’m for the latter. How about you?

I’d love to hear about your life changes. Connect with me here, on my Facebook page  or join my Facebook group.

live life with passion…..